


you came back like a wave when i was feeling alright

by horreurs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i hope you guys enjoy a side of pain with your reading, it's not massively angsty i SWEAR, this is the tale of two idiots that can't process their emotions properly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 20:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16541384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horreurs/pseuds/horreurs
Summary: jean was the poster boy for commitment issues. he’d flee at the first sign of romantic intimacy. he was much more of a ‘ignore an issue until it goes away’ kind of guy. bearing that in mind, jean struggled to understand why eren had come running to him at such an apparently emotional time.





	you came back like a wave when i was feeling alright

“The fuck, Jaeger? It’s two-thirty in the morning.”

He’s met with a grunt in response as Eren makes himself comfortable against the windowsill, tugging a beaten up pack of cigarettes out of his ( _Jean’s_ ) hoodie pocket. He shakes the packet with far more vigor than is ever necessary until a lighter clatters down ungraciously onto the hard surface below, along with the saddest and most crumpled cigarette Jean has ever seen.

This arrangement had existed for around three months or so now. They’d simply exist alongside each other. It wasn’t deep enough to be labelled as a relationship but it was clearly more than an acquaintanceship. Jean was well-aware of his status within their bond. As told by Sasha numerous times, Jean was the poster boy for commitment issues. He’d flee at the first sign of romantic intimacy. He was much more of an 'ignore an issue until it goes away' kind of guy. Bearing that in mind, Jean struggles to understand why Eren had come running to him at such an emotional time.

“I dropped out.”

Running a hand tiredly through his sleep-mussed hair, Jean’s eyes narrow on Eren’s silhouette in the darkness. So it was going to be one of _those_ talks, huh? Allowing his slender frame to settle against the wall behind him, Jean purses his lips in thought as the silence between them grows, attempting to fill every empty space in the cramped room.

“I dropped out,” Eren repeats bitterly, just in case Jean had decided to momentarily cut his ears off or something. “I fucking dropped out.”

“I heard you the first six thousand times.” Jean replies simply, finding himself at a loss for words. He isn't good at emotional stuff. Hell, he can barely deal with his own emotions at the best of times. Let alone shoulder someone else’s burdens. With a shaky exhale, Eren’s head droops and Jean winces at the sight alone, suddenly regretting taking such an apathetic approach to the entire situation.

The next logical step probably would be to offer comfort or at least a stiff drink to ease the tension. The only problem is that Jean has never been a logical person in that respect. Eren Jaeger isn't the type of guy you offer comfort to. Eren Jaeger is the type of guy to cheat at beer pong and vomit down the sink, only to grin at you like you just gave him the world some twenty seconds later. He's the type of guy to face any forfeit after a grueling truth or dare session with his head held high and any remaining dignity kicked to the curb.

And yet here he is, a shivering wreck, blocking out the moon’s illuminating light in Jean’s crappy student apartment as he takes his first steps into his pre-midlife crisis. Or something like that.

“... Why?”

“‘cause ‘m not good enough, man. I’m never gonna be good enough. I mean, shit. My dad’s a fucking _doctor_ . I am— _was_ a history major at a community college. Couldn’t even get into a _real_ university.” Eren gives a bitter laugh as his voice trails off, causing Jean to wince again. If the ground could open up and swallow him whole right now, that’d be swell.

“What’s brought this on, Eren? You seemed perfectly fine with your course two days ago.” Dismiss all the emotional crap, Jean. That’ll work.

“It’s… it’s like you’ve got all these puzzle pieces in front of you, right?” Eren finally meets Jean’s gaze from across the room as he peers over his shoulder, eyes as bright as ever, even during a time like this. “But none of them fit together. You can’t see the big picture. There _is_ no big picture. Even though everyone says there is, y’know?”

No. Jean doesn't know. Or, rather, he _does._ But it's not as if he's going to acknowledge feelings like that. That's a whole can of worms that Jean is _more_ than happy to ignore for the next thirty years or so.

“Dad’s always saying that he wants the best for me an’ shit. But he’s so pushy about it. It’s suffocating. Ever since he divorced mom to go live with his other _more important_ family, he’s been totally different,” Eren pauses for a beat, as if to consider his next words very carefully. “I don’t wanna disappoint him. But I guess it’s too late for that now. I’ve just thrown away my entire future ‘cause my piece of shit brain couldn’t hack it.”

Yeah, floor? Feel free to open up any time now.

Swallowing the lump of sheer awkwardness that's been building in his throat for far too long, Jean tries his hardest to offer a sympathetic stare to Eren in the darkness covering them both. Not even the tender lighting from the moon can cut through the gloom that has cemented itself to the walls now.

“You can’t live your life for other people, Eren,” Should he continue? Probably not. But there's no way in hell he's going to let Eren vent at him endlessly. That isn't how Jean Kirschtein works. Plus it's almost three-am and he really wants to get some sleep. “You’ll never get anywhere. You’ll feel trapped. Stagnant. Just ‘cause you’re not living up to someone’s bullshit standards that you’ve convinced yourself matter more than doing what you feel is right. It’s not worth it. You’re better than that.”

Ashing his cigarette against the brickwork outside, Eren sniffles loud enough for Jean to hear from across the room before he aggressively wipes at his face with his (again, _Jean’s_ ) hoodie sleeve. There was no way Jean could send Eren home in such a state. Texting Mikasa or Armin to inform them that their parcel of impulsive decisions has somehow found his way to Jean’s apartment seems like a pretty morally incorrect choice, too. So he has no choice but to offer the next best thing.

“You wanna, like, spoon or something?”

Jean watches silently as Eren takes a final drag on his cigarette before chucking it carelessly to the ground below. Their eyes meet from across the room for a second time and Jean can almost see the tiny cogs within Eren’s brain desperately trying to process Jean’s request to decipher its rating on the bullshit scale.

“... Yeah.”

Within no time at all, Jean finds himself wrapped around Eren’s smaller form almost protectively. Due to the size of Jean’s bed, it definitely isn't the most comfortable arrangement. Jean is hanging off of the mattress and Eren has somehow managed to hog all _three_ pillows. Yet it still works. Jean almost laughs at how symbolic it probably is. But now isn't the time to ponder those kind of questions.

“‘s not gonna be the end of the world,” Jean mumbles softly against Eren’s shoulder, his fingers tracing small circles against the jut of his hip bone. “Loads of people don’t go to university. And they still do well.”

“I _guess,_ yeah.”

Biting back the urge to roll his eyes at Eren’s dismissive response, Jean settles instead for digging his fingers in sharply below Eren’s ribs and chuckling as the other doubles over between fits of laughter.

“You can be a real ass sometimes, Jaeger. You know that?”

“Mmhm,” Eren replies simply, turning (albeit awkwardly given the lack of space) to face him with a sleepy smile that makes Jean’s heart skip a beat momentarily. “You too.”

They didn’t have to say those famous three words. There was no need. It was as if there was an unspoken rule between them. In a strange way, it worked. There were some things that would be better off left undisclosed. Jean tucks any other crisis-inducing thoughts to the back of his mind as he feels Eren bury his face against his neck, his breathing slowing as he drifts off to sleep.

Maybe this was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i stole the title from sunshine riptide by fall out boy because i can't escape my emo phase. hope you all enjoyed this dumpster fire. hmu on twitter @horreurs if ya wanna chat about these dumbasses


End file.
